


Happy, Happy, Happy

by Just-kent-ing-around (FallenBleedingAngel)



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, BruHarvey if you squint, Crack, Gen, Inspired by Art, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-27 02:41:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20940950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenBleedingAngel/pseuds/Just-kent-ing-around
Summary: A crack fic brought on by a picture @-ed to me on tumblr bysleepytarotcatcreated byHappybatman,of Bruce as Batman and Harvey Dent | Two Face synchronized cycling.Also Cross-posted on tumblr, under the same name.~Two-Face and Batman go cycling on a bright sunny day, to have a nice time.





	Happy, Happy, Happy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sleepytarotcat](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=sleepytarotcat).

> A crack fic brought on by [@sleepytarotcat](sleepytarotcat.tumblr.com) (on tumblr) finding of a beautiful Bruce & Harvey photo found here. They convinced me to make a fic because it was too much of a masterpiece to leave without. So much kudos to @sleepytarotcat for finding me the inspiration and [@Happybatman,](https://happybatman.com/post/187652055196/going-for-a-ride-with-two-face)because their artworks are a thing of pure, unadulterated happiness.
> 
> Please don’t take it too seriously, it’s all meant in good fun and in the name of crack. Although, as you can probably tell, I'm very salty about certain things.

Happy, Happy, Happy

* * *

The yellow flowers were blooming, bright and full. When they breathed together, the air was chill and taut in their lungs. The day was like it always was for Happy Batman, _\-- happy._

He and Harvey Dent biked together, the one-two rhythm of their pedaling in perfect synchronization. The mountains loomed over them in the distance, with their greyish purple hue, adding to the natural splendor around them. 

Harvey didn’t know it, but Happy Batman had planned this day quite a bit. They’d have a shared bike ride all morning, and then by lunch, both extremely tired, they would settle down away from the path and have a picnic in a clearing at the end of their route.

There would be oreo-s, Harvey could take apart and put together again to make half-vanilla and half-chocolate. Cucumber sandwiches, which were for Happy Batman more than anything. Cereal bars, if Robin decided to join in, and stop taking pictures from the bushes with Alfred. He hoped they’d gotten the one with him waving at them.

There were other things too Mulligatawny soup, Roast Beef sandwiches with pickled onions,, black and white cookies, and egg sandwiches, really too many sandwiches, and Happy Batman thought Alfred might’ve went a little too overboard with their picnic. But if it made Harvey happy, mixing and matching, and splitting things in half, then who was he to complain? 

They continued their pedaling in silence, as Happy Batman was lost to his thoughts, before he fumbled, as the bike came to a screeching stop.

Everything ceased suddenly, as the world tinged gray, and Batman and Harvey looked up at the yawning vortex in the sky -- a black hole.

It defied physics, everything he’d ever known, when it lifted Harvey up. Stole Harvey from their bike as he struggled to hold on to anything that would keep him in place.

Nothing he did worked. Not the bat-arang, or bat-launcher, even Batflex-Seal, didn’t do as marketing told him. He’d have to make a better version, to patch reality. Happy Batman sits on the bike, half empty now, and realizes nothing in his extensive toolbelt will save Harvey. Not even yeeting an over excited Robin, for it seemed the black hole had wanted nothing to do with anyone but Harvey.

Bruce sits there on that red bike, that’s too empty, and eternal happiness flutters away like ash in the wind.

For once in his life, Happy Batman experiences an emotion other than happiness and it is fear.

That, and the picnic was ruined. Alfred would not be happy.

* * *

Happy Batman is scared without his Harvey, who will join him in synchronized cycling? Tear apart oreo-s, and put them back together with him before dipping them in milk only half way while they watched the bats in the Batcave?

Who will eat all the vegetables Robin doesn’t want? And the Black and White cookies Alfred makes every Wednesday?

Happy Batman’s Harvey is gone, and he needs Happy Robin’s help to get him back, - no matter what. And if all else fails, at least he has the Happy Rogues?

Yeah, Batman should think on that one a little longer. He can make do with Robin.

He has _his_ Harvey to save.

* * *

“Don’t give me hope just to take it away, Mxyzptlk. You won’t like me a desperate man.” A darker, more angsty, Batman rumbles, lightning striking behind him as Gotham conforms to his gritty reboot universe. 

Mxyzptlk rolls his eyes, hovering above the dark knight, “I don’t like you anyways, namtaB.” He says, just to annoy Batman, because he can.

“I would ask if you’re sure, but I don’t particularly care.” Mr. Mxy shrugs, as a black hole opens, “Just remember, you owe me a favor now. No matter what.” He laughs, and disappears in a puff of ominous dray grey smoke.

A confused Harvey Dent stumbles out of the portal, staring at the dark and gritty reboot Batman.

“Who are you?” He asks, before clutching at his throat in surprise, no longer confined to over exaggerated gestures and expressions as a means of communication.

_“Harvey.”_ Gritty Reboot Batman smiles, and a ray of sunlight impossibly shines down on him. Maybe it’s a lens flare. Anyhow, Gritty Batman pulls Harvey in for a hug, not even listening to his question.

“I’m so happy you’re back.”

“Where am I, Bruce?” Harvey looks around the drab Gotham, seeing nothing of what he is used to. Where is the color, he wants to say, the vibrant greens, and oranges, the loud greys, and sultry black? None of the colors of this Gotham call out to him, instead all merging into one ubiquitous color palette, melting into a boring deluge of _dark._

“I know you might be a bit confused,” Batman says, leading him away, “--but this is Gotham.”

“Not my Gotham.” Harvey shakes his head, already feeling the grime of this universe trying to infiltrate him, “Don’t deliberately misunderstand me. Even your bat suit is a different color. Everything here is so...horrible.” He says, looking down at the tight streets, and seeing nothing but coughing people, and smoky alleyways.

“It’s home, Harvey.” Batman says, ignoring him, and wrapping him in his cape before using his grappling hook to dramatically reach another building, bundling Harvey up on his shoulder.

“I’m happy to back you back, Harv.” Bruce says, “But you’re not supposed to know who I am.” He sulks, before giving him a two toned suit from a bag, Harvey was sure wasn’t there before. Perhaps it was Batman’s toolbelt, that could fit anything, he was sure of it.

“Wear this.” He said, pushing it into his arms, “And we’re enemies now, but I’ll never forgive myself for saving you on accident because I wanted to save Rachel and I also feel guilty about having a part in the explosion that made you Two Face. Even if it wasn’t my fault that the Joker sincerely needs help, I’ll still blame myself, it adds to the grit. Don’t worry, though, I’ll won’t stop telling people you were the Knight Gotham needed, and preaching about how perfect and good you were while trying to return you to my side.”

“Who’s Rachel?” Harvey blinked, “And we’re childhood friends, Bruce.”

Batman squinted his eyes at him, as his adam’s apple probably bobbed, voice coming out rough and serious, “Not in this universe, Harvey. And I loved Rachel, I don’t know why you don’t remember her.”

Harvey let the two-toned bland horror fall to the concrete roof, “Where is your Harvey? Why did you have to steal me?”

“He’s being extra broody, and deciding not to break out of his cell. Joker is still in Arkham, and I haven’t had any decent hero/villain action in months. Peace in Gotham is unprecedented. It doesn’t fit the story.” 

“You want me to be the bad guy?”

“Yes. I’ll give you two weeks. Then I’ll catch on to your movements and foil all your plans.”

Harvey laughs, shaking his head, “How about you go buy the ore-o company, make them deliver, and we can eat cookies while watching the bats in the cave?”

“I only use the cave for serious gearing up and brooding, Harvey-- sorry, Two Face.” Batman scowled, looming over him.

“...”

“Okay.” He caved in, “I’ll go make a call. We can go in the Batmobile. It-it sounds like fun.”

* * *

Happy Batman threw everything in the Batcave into his toolbelt without stopping. _Giant T-Rex?_ Everyone could use a dinosaur. _Scrabble?_ Word games were fun and a sure fire way to defeat 5th dimensional beings while expanding diction. _Stuffed Toy Elephant?_ Zitka had to come, Robin insisted. Who knew how long they could be stuck wherever they were going to go!

Alfred popped right up next to him, gesturing to the growing luminescent ball of light, and Batman steeled himself, jumping into the Deus Ex Machina machine that would let him locate Harvey no matter what, with a smile. He had spent a week building it with Harvey after all, why wouldn’t he be able to find him with it? Robin followed in with him, and Alfred stood by, headset already on ready to provide inter-universal support.

If Batman needed a giant air balloon to rescue Harvey then by sheer competence, Alfred would send through an air balloon.

Into the light, they went. 

* * *

“So, you just talk all the time?” Harvey asked, as they leant back on a couch, staring up at the bats staring down at them, as he untwisted an ore-o.

“Yes.” Bruce answered bluntly, not fixing his hair, because it always came out of the cowl perfect, unlike his life.

“I mean, it’s kind of weird. Do you even hug people?” Harvey pushed together a vanilla ore-o with a chocolate one, dipping it in milk.

“No.” Bruce scowled now, “That would go against the power fantasy I am.”

“What if you didn’t have to be a power fantasy?”

Bruce turned bashful, but it looked angry because this was a grim-dark universe. “Then I would like a hug--” His voice turned garbled, as if the word itself was an affront to his stereotype.

Harvey scooted closer to him, past the acceptable distance, and gave him a hug. Bruce melted into his embrace, forgetting all his woes and brooding. It felt nice to have a friend.

“Have you tried talking to your Harvey? Asking for forgiveness, or maybe going to therapy together or maybe separate and_ then_ together?”

“But I have to let the problem cement itself into our backstory. There’s no way we can be grimdark without it. Well, maybe, but the universe had to kill Rachel off, or too many people would’ve complained and said it didn’t match my character. I did love her.”

“And they’ve never thought about evolving your character to fit a _living_, loving, romantic interest?”

“I’ve tried with Selina, but it’s always a will-they-won’t-they sort of thing. And with Talia, some guy messed up all her characterization back in 2006, and it’s been hell ever since. I did get a son out of it, though reports vary of how he came to be. I prefer he was born from a hot and steamy love session.” A pause breaks out into the cave, before he continues, “...Mostly they’re too afraid of the backlash if I settle for good. ”

“Backlash from who?”

“I don’t know, but it would be a nice change from the mainstream. I could even have a family.”

“You don’t have a Robin?”

“A bird?”

“Your sidekick.” Harvey mumbled, as half of his ore-o fell into his bowl of milk.

“I work alone.”

“That shtick? You tried it a bit in your 20’s but I mean really, the concept of Batman working alone only works if there’s barely any villains. Or else you’d be entirely overwhelmed. Robin’s backstory wasn’t as happy as yours so you became his guardian and he wanted to be a sidekick or _else._ Mine wasn’t too happy either, now that I think about it, but we’re working on it.”

“How do you work on making your backstory happier?”

“Well, you throw out toxic masculinity for one.”

* * *

Happy Batman and Robin landed in a bleak and terrifying world without saying a word.

Robin shot off to the edge of the building, pausing when he felt a cough coming from all the unidentifiable smog in the air.

They both froze when the cough made a sound. An_ actual _sound.

“Robin?” Happy Batman’s voice cracked, smile already at the corner of his lips.

“BATMAN!” Robin screamed, running back towards the caped hero, “I can speak!”

“We can speak!” They cheered, dancing around the roof together, as if rainbows and cheery flowers would bloom out of nothing.

“WAIT!” Batman yelled, pausing in his enthusiastic ‘66 dancing, “We have to save Harvey!” He declared in a serious voice, and they shot off for Wayne Manor, through the dark and dusty streets of Gotham.

“Don’t worry, Harvey!” Happy Batman grit his teeth and surprised himself at the grim dark in his voice, “We’re coming.”

* * *

“So communication, working through internalized systemic misogyny, and dealing with my emotions rather internalizing them can help?” Bruce muttered, taking notes in an empty journal.

“Surprisingly so. Most of our entire existences are created to fit into the masculinized power fantasy, and breaking free of them is liberating.”

“You don’t have to deal with all this grim dark alone, Bruce. Draw closer to your community and raise yourself by raising others. Being alone can be good for thinking but you never have to feel lonely. Alfred’s been with you, and even if he has trouble expressing his emotions at times, you have someone. -- Don’t let your fears overpower you in this universe, or your duty to Gotham overtake the centripetal meaning of what life should be. Love, cherish, and be happy. 

Above all else enjoying that you’re_ living,_ even if there is sadness, and pain, and angst. You should never build yourself with sadness and pain for they are not all of you, and though it takes time, one day they will leave. Center yourself with joy; and even in the darkest moments, it can never be taken from you.”

“You sound like a gift card for grieving.” Bruce but into a cucumber sandwich, but Harvey could see the bullet points.

“No, I’m just a happy more realized version of Harvey. I’m me, but I’m not yours.” Harvey looked to the grim dark Bruce, wilting at words.

“I know.” He grumbled, but did not say anything else.

“You have to let me go.”

Bruce scoffed, and polished off his sandwich, something like a pout, but not because he was too angsty to do it, on his face.

“LET HIM GO BATMAN!” Something dark swung down from the ceiling, in front of the newly placed couch, before a batarang knocked over a bowl of milk, and something with a glittering yellow cape emerged from shadows cast by the cave’s stalagmites.

“WE’RE HERE TO SAVE YOU, HARVEY!” Robin boasted, falling into a kata right side his Bruce.

“Bruce!” Harvey all but sang, dropping his ore-o onto the couch cushions as he was swept up into a squeezing hug surrounded by kevlar.

“Your voice! It’s beautiful, Harv’.” Bruce sighed lovingly into their embrace. “Now let’s go before this cruel fiend steals you away again!” He said, as Robin precariously pointed the batarang at the other Batman.

“But Bruce! He needs help! He’s too grimdark! Nothing like you and your..._happy_.”

Happy Batman paused, finally seeing the sadness on the other Batman’s face, and wavered.

“He’s...not happy?”

“No.” Harvey wiped a tear away, thinking of all the unnecessarily convoluted angsty things he’d lived.

“Ate a burrito in peace?” Happy Batman asked the other him.

The other shook his head, “Had to throw it to the floor when Joker broke free.”

“Sang karaoke on the piano, while Alfred played said piano while quenching my thirst with a martini?”

“I don’t even have a karaoke machine,” He grumbled. “And I don’t know if Alfred plays piano.”

“Of course he does! He’s Alfred!” Happy Batman said, turning his smile upside down, “Pool nights with Harvey on half-off mondays?”

“I drink alone, and by the window, brooding.”

Happy Batman was beside himself with shock, “Next thing you’ll tell me is you’ve never been synchronized cycling with Harvey!”

“What the hell is your life?” The other Bruce gaped, “Who does that?”

“We do!” Happy Batman, Harvey, and Robin said in a chorus.

“C’mon, Bruce, we have to do something.” Harvey tugged at his Bruce’s arms, and Bruce relented.

“Alright. I have the perfect plan.” He said, placing his hands on his hips heroically, while Robin copied his stance.

Grimdark Batman sighed with a droll look.

“Alfred!” Happy Batman spoke into his speaker, although it didn’t look like he was talking to anyone in particular.

“Get me the picnic! We have an urgent need to make happy memories!”

“Right away, sir.” Alfred answered, an entire universe away, and within moments, and space-time dilation, a curved wooden handle peeked out from his toolbelt.

Without a word, Robin moved over the couch, as Happy Bruce brought out the picnic basket, and Harvey’s mouth hung open.

“A picnic! What a surprise!” He said, putting a hand over his mouth, while Batman took out the picnic blanket and laid it on the floor.

“If there’s anything that can make someone happy, it’s a picnic!” Happy Batman boasted, and Robin danced along the blanket, and Harvey pulled Grim Dark Bruce down to the floor as the food was set out.

“Now, tell me, I see Cucumber Sandwiches there, but do you like Mulligatawny soup?”

“Mulligata-what?” Bruce floundered with a smoldering look because he could never look anything less than perfection.

“Well, you’re in for a treat.” Harvey laughed and Robin joined him, opening the soup container.

“It’s something you’ll never forget.” Robin wagged his eyebrows.

Somehow, Grim Dark Bruce felt the faintest stirrings of happiness within him. Maybe picnics _were_ happiness.


End file.
